Happy 228th anniversary of that time the English came and shoved a flag in you and claimed you as their own.
I know it must still confuse you since the Aboriginal people had been living on you for hundreds and thousands of years before that, but you must admit its nice of everyone to take a day out and acknowledge your goodness.
I enjoy being one of those that lives on you. Every time I fly off you and go overseas, I am reminded of just how good life can be with you. That doesn't mean it is all party poppers and puppy dogs.
You’ve got a few issues that need sorting out, some attitudinal adjustments but as you are only young, in nation terms, let's hope you grow up from these petulant teenage years into the smart, sophisticated country we all think you can be. Maybe you'll even stop wearing trackpants?
A few things you may want to think about;
That Republic thing is probably a good idea. Your current Step-Dad Malcolm seems to know a bit about becoming one, so maybe have a talk to him. At least, it would get you out of the clutches of your Great Grandma Liz and give the kids something to be proud of in the UN playground.
While you are at it, let's get that casual approach to life into balance. An appreciation of casual dining and clothing is good. A cultural embedding of casual racism and environmental pollution is not.
How are those national conversations going? The ones around our cultural identity and what it means to be Australian in 2016? Maybe if you put away the booze from every everyday social situation, we’d have those chats AND remember them the next morning. In case you are interested, here’s what I have worked out so far: our identity extends beyond wars and winning at sports.
Maybe also think about making the economy run on other things than just resources, property and the Packers. Some people are doing great things in the area of science and new technology and parts of South America do well with illegal narcotics.
All that aside, you still have your beaches and that’s why over 80% of us choose to live within 50km of there! Hey we even get snow in a couple of your colder pockets, but we need deep ones to visit there. Snow is nearly as expensive as gold in Australia.
I love your game of footy, the way you beautifully butcher up the English language, the two season climate of hot and not-as-hot, the way you consistently punch above your weight on the global stage and your unique marsupials that all look like giant grey stuffed toys.
Overall though I wanted to write to you to just say thanks.
Keep going and don't worry about what other nations say or do except those Scandinavian ones, maybe listen to them. They’re cool.