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Looking for Love on the Open Housing Market

The Archive of Blackframes.com.au posts

Old posts from the original Blackframes site

Looking for Love on the Open Housing Market

Lach Ryan

model house

House hunting, in the internet age, borrows much from online dating. It's all a big search to find 'The One'. Purely mobile app based, you simply filter your desired results based on location, numerical range (age and price) and features (a voluptuous figure is like original hardwood floors). US- FHB’s with GSOH willing to RSU (roll sleeves up). Needs to be close to good schools, coffee and Thai takeaway. Needs to be away from Bogan’s with rusting car lawn sculptures.

YOU- mid-century brick, 3BDR, OSP, good bathroom. Likes young families, being dressed up and having your garden done. Non-smoking, AC and pet friendly preferred.

You send an enquiry to show your interest and if all seems OK, a date is set to meet. You prepare yourself the morning of the inspection, thinking that this could be the first time you meet ‘The One’. Driving down the highway, expectations high, you hope they too are preparing themselves to look their best...

Too often however, you find yourself turning up to these the property blind dates, the open for inspection, and being disappointed that she looks nothing like her photos online. Couldn’t she at least put on some foundation and cover those imperfections and age lines?

To begin with she is obviously older than she led you to believe. Not only that, but the backyard is in total disarray and who even knows what to do with upstairs. Quickly into your meeting, you get the impression she comes with baggage and there is far too much work to be done. You can see that if some guy who was good with his hands spent the time fixing her up, she might be something special. But that’s not going to be you. Not at this stage of your life. Besides you’ve got kids to think about and this is not the type of environment you want them to be around.

Then you try something different. For a while you start hanging out at the reception bars of real estate agents. Reception bars aren’t the right place to meet your dream home. They only attract junior agents trying to offload you deceased cat lady estates or old meth labs.

Your other option is to just play the field, become an investor and negative gear your way through the market. Throw yourself around with multiple properties, just looking for your own returns not worried who you screw in the process.

But how long can it go on? The only other option is to rent. That is real estate de facto, where neither partner trusts the relationship to properly commit beyond 12 month periods. It’s also not the best environment for kids. Plus the government doesn’t look as kindly on it as they do those smug types, coupled up with their own home. We often talk with them. Those who have found their dream home. They smugly tell us the trick is to not try. It will just happen. “You’ll feel the spark and you will just know” they say.

You’ve just got to keep on believing 'The One' is still out there. That it will come along soon. Hopefully really soon, before we grow old and end up living in a tent by the side of the freeway growing tomatoes from discarded McDonald’s thickshake cups.