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Fully Sick

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Fully Sick

Lach Ryan


The last few weeks have seen pestilence and disease strike my house, hosting more viruses than a teenage boy's laptop. It was almost biblical in scale... if God outsourced his work offshore and cut budgets to the Department of Plagues, Disasters and Lost Things.

All three of Team Ryan (we have warm up tracksuits!) has been hit with at least 2 different forms of virus. I started battling Man-Flu for 10 days before finally succumbing to its charms. I had  returned to work for 1 day, when that very night I was regurgitating like a mother bird feeding its adopted bucket-child.Wifey also has been quite ill, joining me in the early hours of Saturday morning for a romantic session of synchronized upchuck. The wedding vows do tell you ' sickness and in health'. I reckon though, you won't know the depth of your love until you've gazed upon your beloved whilst tasting that nights dinner for the second time.

As in all good zombie virus/killer plague movies, there is always a host. We have isolated it down to the cute ball of contagion that is our 18mnth old. A-man has been alphabetically working his way through the Big Book of Viruses this last 3 months, being courteous enough to every now and then share them with Mum and Dad. One particular bad fortnight started with an ear infection morphing into conjunctivitis followed by a gastro so violent, even sea sickness tablets would feel queezy. So a few sleepless nights, a couple of changes of clothes and a trip to the hospital has seen us well and truly over being sick. Even as I type tonight, I have a nagging head cold and Wifey is nursing an unsettled stomach.

Beside the obvious benefits of being sick ,the legitimate days off work and easily dropped spare kilos; being sick sux. It makes you realize how much you take your health, and that of those around you, for granted. Luckily we live in a country where government funded Healthcare allows us to book a doctors appointment for the following few days, and we only have to wait 3 hour past our scheduled time to see some bulk-billing, near-death,semi-retired quack refuse to prescribe us medication! I fear this winter is getting the better of most of us. The doctor says the flu season has been quite bad, and many people cant quite shake whatever this is.

Perhaps this post will go down as anecdotal evidence of the first signs of outbreak of the new mega-virus, attributed to babies. No, make that babies-in-daycare! Is there any other type of baby these days anyway? Aren't we are all just outsourcing the upbringing of our children so we can afford to pay for that house they live in 5 nights a week and 2 full days on the weekend?! These daycare centers specialize in two things; supervising of children whilst parents uphold the economy and creating biological viral weapons that would make Sadam look like a pastry chef. These Daycare epicenters will be where this Baby-Flu eminates from, before merging with their Father's Man-Flu and creating the deadly Man-Child Flu strain. Symptoms of the disease will be patchy facial hair, disproportionately large fingers and a desire to dress only in singlets.

If it crosses over to animals...God help us!